How to Ruin a Relationship


Today I tweeted this: "Had a revelation today about how I've screwed up past relationships and how changing one thing has changed everything. Blog later."


I would like to tell you exactly how to ruin a relationship:

  1. Look for the bad in a person. (You will have absolutely no problem finding it.)
  2.  Judge them in your heart for their poor character. 
  3. Tell yourslef how much better you are--so that you feel really good about yourself.
  4. Look for opportunities to tell others about the poor qualities you've found in that person and slip it in like it is no big deal (or even as prayer requests or fake-care comments).
  5. If they agree with your negative sentiments, talk about the other person together-- and be sure to justify what you are doing by saying that you just needed a safe place to vent. 
  6. Make sure you tell your Spouse as well and make an excuse because it is ok to tell your spouse everything in your heart. 
  7. Keep repeating steps 4 & 5.
  8. Find other people that you do not like and repeat steps 1-7 again. 


Here is the impact of living like this.  Please read this carefully:

  • You are sinning and the sin produces guilt in your heart.
  • You are being disloyal and harmful to the person and deteriorating their character. 
  • When you see them, you will not be able to look at them in their eyes.  You will shady and shifty.
  • Someting will be "off" in your relationship. 
  • You will be carrying secrets.
  • Trust is lost whether the offense is ever uncovered or not.
  • The person you have bashed gets the vibes you are slinging with your shifty eyes whether they know anything or not.
  • Whether the person you gossiped to is totally trustworthy or not, the person you gossiped about WILL find out one day. Count on it.
  • You become insecure everytime you are with the one your gossiped about.
  • You can forget about any real in depth, life giving stuff happening in the relationship.
  • You have ensured that the relatioship will not last.  It is the beginning of the end. 


Sound like I know what I am talking about a tad? Yeah, because I have been there.  Done this.  Got the T-shirt. Ashamed and repentant, Tricia and I comnmited in our hearts when we landed here in Africa 10 months ago, that we would look for the good in people and talk about that and leave the bad to the Lord to work on. And we are currently forming the most honest, authentic and life changing relatioships we have ever had. 


Do you struggle with this? You can change. Start today. Call 1-800-shutyourmouth. Or email


Seriously, God can heal this in you.  Now.  Starting now. And as he does you will be amazed at the confidence you will walk in as you relate to people with guilt-free eyes and heart.