Feeling the need for some honest confession recently. Some I'm sharing privately. Some publicly.
Here is my thinking....if I share honestly and openly about my own shortcomings, two things are likely to happen:
1. I get to live more in the light and the freedom of Christ. Secrets bind, honesty frees!
2. And someone else may just realize that they need to make the same confession so they too can live in the light.
My confesison: Over the years, the pride (and insecurities...which is also pride) in my heart has caused me to place myself at the center of too many things. Things that I do not belong at the center of. And I see it now and I am ready to change.
What do I mean?
- The church board opposes an idea I bring. They must have a problem with me, then. Taking it personally, I place myself at the center of something that was not about me.
- Attendance is not good. I am the leader. Must be my fault, so I put myself at the center and take responsibilty for something that is up to the Lord.
- I sense that you are acting different toward me and our relationship does not feel the same. Then, I conclude that I must have done something wrong and you are upset at me. There I am, putting myself in the center of something that has nothing to do with me. Turns out that you are going through something that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
- I get asked to do something (something good...in the church, even). I wrorry about what people will think about me if I do it or don't do it. What I was asked to do was simple and not about me! But, there I go putting myself right in the center of it.
- I helped someone in there faith journey. Now they have fallen backwards. I take responibilty, putting myself at the center of their faith pilgrimage when their choices have nothing to do with me.
I could keep going and going. It is pride. I have done it more times that I know of! I do not want this to remain in my life. I am feeling that the Lord wants to heal and change this. I want JESUS to be the center and I want to stop thinking more highly or myself than I ought to.
Would you pray for me about this?
And would you be brave enough to look at your heart and see if maybe you need some similar confession and healing?