Birthday Feelings

Woke up to this hanging on the wall. My Tricia does it again.  

I've never really been a birthday guy. Everyone has one. And they come around so often. Maybe it's the commercialization that I resist. Anyway...I'm feeling a tad more emotional this morning than I have most birthdays before.  

I feel so thankful...For the way God lead and carried our family through this last year. One year ago right now we were preparing to travel to Tanzania to scout. Now it's home. So much has happened this year and we are humbled.  

I feel so thankful...for a met budget, a supportive sending church and family, for Pat and Joni Kellar being with us for our landing here, for the new friends we are making here, for the joy we are experiencing as we begin to dive into Swahili. Thankful.

I feel emotional...about what we miss. I miss our family back in the states. I miss Cape Town and our community there. I miss cheese and ease.  

I feel emotional...about the future. The adrenaline is wearing off and reality is setting in. I was able to keep myself distracted furnishing the house. Now it's becoming real. There's nothing here for me to attach my identity and value to (like I have all my life). I now have no choice but to get it...I'm a beloved son, a husband and a Dad. That's it. No other status, role or position. I don't get to display my gifts for all to see. I get to sit down, shut up, and struggle to learn a language and a culture foreign to me. 

The year ahead will be hard, but beautiful. Painful, but rewarding. Seemingly insignificant, yet somehow one of the biggest turning points of our lives. I feel it, I just can't explain it well yet.  

Well, those are some random birthday feelings. Cheers to another year of adventure with Jesus. I love you dear friends around the world!