Choosing What to Hear
/OK, this post is me being transparent. Perhaps more transparent than some of you think I should be. I look at it this way. This is my blog! This is my place and avenue to share my heart. The good, the great, the vision, the memories, but even the bad, the frustrating and the personal. I am sometimes cautious as I work to find the blogging balance, but today I am needing to bear heart...
Leadership is not easy. You are constantly in the spotlight. People are regularly formulating opinions about the ways in which you have violated their perception of who you should be. They also need someone to blame when there church looks and feels differently than they want it to. I am the perfect target for some. It must be my fault. I am the Lead Pastor. Hence, people have negative stuff to say. All that is normal. I know that. I need to just accept it and get used to it. Here is the problem. You would be shocked at how little of this negative I get the privilege to hear (and I do mean privilege because it almost always proves mutually enriching when people biblically confront). It is shared with plenty of people...except me! I have been adjusting to this reality for almost years now and it doesn't seem to be getting much easier. This is an area of my leadership that needs work. I am always looking to hear the next criticism. It is not healthy and I will not be able to function long term that way.
Well, I think that I turned over a new leaf today (with the help of a dear friend). I decided to make a new commitment that I think will pay big dividends over the long haul...and is quite biblical. Here it is:
I know longer am willing to hear or entertain any negative opinions about me unless they are coming directly from the person concerned. This would include:
- He told me that...
- She told me that....
- I heard that so and so feels...
- 3 people told me...
- Older people feel....
- Young people feel....
- I hear people saying that...
I can't hear this stuff and function in a healthy way. I am human and it hurts. It leaves me unsure of what to do, what to believe, who to confront, whether to confront or how to change. Hence, my new philosophy. The only things that are important enough to hear and respond to are the things that people are willing to talk to me about directly according to Matthew 18.
So, I ask you a favor. If you ever hear anything negative about me...
- Don't tell me! I choose not to hear their concerns through you.
- And send that person to me! I would cherish the opportunity to hear from them and they will reep reward for biblical obedience! And by the way, they will have great influence on me and I will listen and take it very seriously out of respect for their courage and the quality of their character!!
Maybe you are reading this and you have something you want to share. I welcome hearing from you directly. You may have read this and thought...wow! Pretty direct today, Noah! My question to you is...where is the value in inauthenticity?