What am I waiting for?


Let me be honest with you about one of my greatest recurring struggles: I tend to get discontent quite often. The people closest to me know about this the most. I can swing from feeling satisfied and fulfilled to feeling agitated and unproductive quite quickly. I think it is one of my mid-life challenges, and an area that I still need to mature in.  

Yet, I am also just as aware of the importance of BEING, of ABIDING, of BECOMING, of WAITING so that what I DO doesn't get ahead of who I AM, bringing imbalance and self-promotion. I want my life to count for God, not just for Noah.

But...I see the clock ticking and it seems to move faster each year. There is so much in me that I want to get out, so many people to touch, so much I want to still accomplish in my days on this earth. And then I look at my life and examine my dreams and wonder things like:

What are you waiting for, Noah? Why are you moving so slow? What are you afraid of? If you have something in you, let it out! The time is short!

I guess it is a journey of learning, of leaning in and pulling back, moving out and sitting still, trying to listen to the Holy Spirit for direction and peace. 

Lately, I have been living in the place of wanting to run and fly...feeling full of things I want to let out and tempted to stop holding back. And in that space, 2 things have inspired me. A quote. And a song. I want to share them both with you. 

Quote by Brenè Brown:

''I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''

And then there is this song that my friend inspired me with almost a year ago when he told me that it makes him think of me each time he hears it. I derive inspiration from it: