As I continue to undergo loads of inner formation, I cannot help but look back on my heart motivations of the last 10-15 years of ministry. There are questions that I am learning to ask myself now, that I never asked before. Filters that I am putting things through that I never used to use. These questions are filters that help assess the motivation behind a choice or action. I thought I would share them. Maybe they will help you too:
- Why am I doing this? For my fulfillment or the Lord's?
- Why am I saying yes to this request? To please the asker or to please the Father?
- Is this the wise thing to do? Or does this just seem like the popular thing to do?
- Do I need or desire notice or a compliment for what I just did? Or would I be totally fine if no one give me a lick of notice?
- Did that critique just disrupt me on the inside? Or did it fall on me in a healthy way without provoking emotion?
- Why am I putting so much into this? Because I am truly this hard of a worker or because I want to make people proud?
- Why did I actually give that gift or go that extra mile for that person? Do I actually secretly want something back?
- Am I moving in my strength with this? Or God's?
- What about the top leader(s)? Am I ok with them not noticing me or awesome I am? ;)
- Why do I want that position? Because God is calling? Or because I am inwardly reaching?
Knowing our hearts is not an easy task. Some of us are scared to see our true selves. Others of us have become good at avoiding acceptance of our hearts. Some of us are just totally self unaware. But regardless of our state, letting the Lord slowly show us the "behind the scenes" look at why we do what we do will lead to great healing and joy on the inside.
My motivations were wrong more than I want to admit. But little by little, I am finding that if I slow down, look in and ask some of these filter questions above, I am able to start seeing me more clearly than before.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10