My friend Bethany is a woman who seeks after God and listens to what He says back to her heart. What you will read below are pearls of wisdom she has collected as she listened to Father. With her permission I am sharing them with you. Read slowly. Listen carefully. Follow this stuff and everything changes.
It accuses more than it corrects.
It doesn't try to understand.
It's closed off. Not teachable.
It points out faults for no reason except to point out or elevate itself in comparison (although it may be unconscious of this motivation).
It quickly points out what's wrong (implying that it is undoubtedly right).
It does not consider being wrong about its conclusions.
It can't help but disclose its opinion, often passive aggressively.
It antagonizes in order to prove its own point.
It is more interested in speaking than it is in listening (the kind of listening that seeks deeper understanding).
It may ask questions but it already has predetermined what the answer will be.
The opposite of judgement is acceptance...It may observe faults but it doesn't assume the responsibility of pointing them out.
Honor overlooks faults and governs ones speech to protect how others appear.
Judgement seeks to expose faults and is not motivated by restoration...It's motivated by communication, "righteousness", gossip, often "truth" which is another word for condemnation.
Judgement & condemnation are brothers. They partner up a lot. Condemnation says you’re guilty and you’re wrong and "you should..."
Judgement enjoys discussing other people's faults, sometimes even in the context of "prayer" or "what happened " or "debriefing" an event.
The antidote for judgement is love & kindness, not just in words but in the heart.
One doesn't ever need to speak to express judgement. Judgement emanates out of people just like love does.
Judgement & Love could use the exact same words during confrontation, in the exact same order but come out sounding completely different.
How do you know when to correct what you observe being incorrect? Holy Spirit.
Is Jesus asking this of you, or is your belief, values, & judgments or observations compelling you?
Also is it likely in the long run that this person actually wants to hear what you've observed?
Is there any part of you that has been hurt by this person? This is often the sure fire trigger for judgement.
Judgement wants to respond to judgement.
Love may observe what is wrong but does not assume responsibility to point it out or treat that person or even think of that person any differently becasue of it.
Love may offer correction but this must be Holy Spirit lead. Most judgment assumes responsibility to change the person or at the very least make sure said person knows they are wrong.
Love actually overlooks faults…that means it sees, but in essence says, "it's okay"... "That's ok. I won't let it bother me."
Love prays about the issue or person much more than it talks about it.
Love has a way of knowing every failure & fault and still saying "I'm proud of you"... "You are an incredible person."- "I see God in you."
Deception accompanies judgement (and most sins), to keep us blinded to our own sin. The only way to be safe from deception is to trust someone more than yourself... Ask a good friend.
Combat- ask Him for more grace, more love, and more focus on what the good things in that person are. List them.
Recognize that you are no better, you are only free in that area because God apportions various levels of grace & faith.
Communicate to them what you appreciate- affirm them.
Recognize that this person has received less love in their life for whatever reason. They've experienced less of Gods love, that is where criticism & judgment are rooted, a failure to understand the manifold grace of God.
When tempted to judge someone assume that there are variables in that person & situation that you just don't see nor can you fully understand.
Access God's pleasure for them. If you can't feel that then it's likely best not to correct or confront. If you can't feel the love the Father has for them or how He sees them, keep your mouth shut.
If you don't see their strengths, definitely keep your mouth shut! This means your at risk for judging them & communicating judgement towards them.
Love rejoices in the truth but judgement has a way of forcing the truth. (i.e gay marriage, abortion, enemy love)
There are definite truths associated with these issues but judgement feels personally responsible for making those who do not believe its own version of "truth" to feel rejected personally.
Judgement says you are unacceptable if you do not agree with me. While Love is perfectly comfortable waiting for just the right & gentle opportunity (if any) to share truth.
Love does not need to defend truth, but judgement sure does, judgement is both accusing and defensive.
Judgement wants to prove what it believes way more than it wants to understand what it disagrees with.
Chose the way of LOVE…the harder, more beautiful, challenging and highest way of love! So glad JESUS showed the way!!