Retroactive Grace

So many of us are walking around with wounded hearts, trying to be good spouses, parents, friends, but our conduct in relationships reveal that something is off. You sense something is not healthy in you, but aren’t even able to name it at times.

I am coming to believe that most of us have heart wounds. And 9 times out of 10, it’s foundational hurt and wounds from our primary relationships and in our earlier formational years. You may have heard of them as mother wounds or father wounds. Well, whether it was Mom or Dad or an Aunt or Uncle, few people arrive at adulthood unharmed by the behaviors of others.

And it can take years before people can see their brokenness, admit it, and have access to it so it can be healed. Many live forever never facing it because it hurts too bad. They don’t admit the abuse. They are to afraid to share the offense. They have told their false narrative so long that it becomes true for them. They have no issues. Everything is fine (even though everyone around them knows the opposite is true).

But some people DO face it and take the plunge to journey into hard places for the sake of healing. And this is a word for you about the healing process that may help you:

Someone hurt you, rejected you, abused you, mistreated you. Yes. And it caused issues in your life that you wish you never had to deal with. But remember this:

Someone hurt them. Someone abused them. Someone abandoned them. Hurt people hurt people. Your mom's mom wasn't even half the woman your mom was. Your dad's dad might have made your dad look like the Pope. And maybe, just maybe, the one that hurt you never got the chance to come to grips with their pain the way you are now. And maybe they did the best they knew how by you.

Can you extend grace? Maybe you could switch from feeling mad to feeling bad...truly bad about what your parents may have gone through. When you do this you just might discover things you should've celebrated but never did.

I wonder if we ought not learn to extend retroactive grace? Historical grace. Grace to forgive generations of offense and look ahead with a pastoral heart instead of a broken heart?

I would guess that this small change of perspective can make big impact in your life. Instead of blaming, let's try reframing.