The Hurtful Compliment


I love to affirm people. I find joy in stating God's truth about how wonderful you are. I've long felt people are too stingy with their affirmation. Some people think I'm too generous with it. But I don't plan on changing anything anytime soon. 

Strange as it seems, I have discovered a very hurtful compliment that many folks seem to easily give. It's caused plenty of people a fair share of hurt and confusion. The compliment? 

"You've grown so much! " (or some variation of such) 

Seems kind enough, huh? 

The problem is that sometimes they actually haven't grown. They've been this way a long time.  You've just finally taken the time and effort to get to know them! And now, what you've come to discover is so much more than what you (prematurely) judged. In fact, they haven't grown. You just never knew them. And now you want to blame their growth for your lack of effort. 

My advice? Be careful with this one. First ask yourself if you ever knew them, before you tell them how much they've grown. Otherwise you may just be revealing something unpleasant about YOU. 

You may wonder why such a nice remark could hurt. But it can. And it does. I've experienced it. And so have some of my friends. 

Let's take the time to know people before concluding their weaknesses. And let's be sure we've put in the time to know them before we draw out conclusions about growth in their personal journey.

Even though your heart may have been pure and the remark true to you....what you thought would be a compliment, may actually be an insult.