(This is Davis trying on glasses because Daddy was.)
After almost 8 years of ministry, I have decided on what the best compliment I could ever receive is. I have actually received this compliment multiple times through the years...as recently as a few weeks ago. Here it is...the golden compliment:
"You spend too much time with your family". Or "you care too much about your family". Or even "you blog too much about your family". You see, I have heard them all. They were all intended critically. And initially, I reacted. But, after more thought and a few years, I have decided that this is the greatest compliment that I could ever receive. Would to God that more Pastors would receive this compliment. Who knows, their kids and marriages may actually turn out okay. Hey, they may even end up being an example to other families in the church and the world. Wouldn't that be a wild idea?!?!
I write all of that to say....since the beginning of September, we have declared every Tuesday evening date night or family night. And it's working! Incredibly. Like tonight, we went shopping as a family, came home and fed Davis, put him to bed and then we had a candle light dinner! Thankful for the memories as a family and for the A+ wife that I have! He that finds a wife, finds a good thing...even favor with God!
Guys, I am very careful about what kind of political stuff I say and post these days. Like to do more listening than talking. However, when I see something this good, I am compelled to share it. I think that this blogger and "Experiences Pastor" at Seacoast Church, Shawn Wood offers a very moving insight here.
I recommend you read this post by clicking here.
God has begun stirring a sermon in my heart for November 9th (the Sunday after the election). Looking forward to how we can respond as disciples of Jesus Christ on the heels of a new leader in our nation. Stay tuned.
About 2 weeks ago I posted on my blog about decision making styles from Mervin Charles. Well, partly because I got, busy and partly because it is really indicting, I failed to post the 5 styles to avoid. They are profoundly interesting to look at because you may just see yourself somewhere here. As a reminder, the 4 decision making styles that were presented were:
Telling
Seeking Counsel
Seeking Consensus
Delegation
Now, here are the 5 unhealthy decision making styles to avoid:
Bossing:
·Leader makes a decision.
·Leader instructs and informs others about the decision that has been made, but in a way that is rude, impolite, angry, and/or insensitive to those being addressed.
·This is security through control.
Selling:
·Leader makes an individual decision.
·Leader avoids possible criticism for using the telling style and insulates himself/ herself against negative reaction.
·Leader invites counsel, or appears to use a consensus style, then persuades the other person(s) toward the decision that has already been made in his/her heart.
·The leader deciding rarely recognizes internally, much less acknowledges to others, that the seeking of counsel or consensus was superficial.
·Leader may desire a goal but is not willing to shoulder the responsibility.
Perceived Consensus:
·A group of people agree to decide by consensus.
·Instead of actively listening and sharing until they mutually affirm what best describes the convictions of the group, one or a few strong people actually determine outcome.
·Everyone acts like the group decided.
·If accountability for the decision is needed, typically it is seen that the entire group decided.
·Strong underlying influencers may prefer power without the identification or accountability.
Over Management:
·A leader assigns a responsibility to another person, but often:
odoes not release authority equal to the responsibility
ointrudes in a normal, healthy decision-making process
ochecks on even minor details
odoes not express approval
·The assignment typically does not include:
oa clear descriptionof the authorization being given
oa clear definition of the financial resources available
ostandards and ways to report back about meeting the standards.
·The leader may fear letting go or consider the task so important that no one else can do it.
Abdication:
·A leader assigns a responsibility to another person, but does not:
omaintain communication
orelease authority to make a decision
oprovide assistance and appropriate accountability
·The assignment typically does not include:
oa clear descriptionof the assignment
ostarting and completion dates
ostandards and ways to report back about meeting the standards.
·The leader may want the job done without the work or may want to keep insulated from criticism.
I JUST mentioned the dangers of emailing sensitive things in my sermon yesterday. The bible admonishes us to speak the truth in love, not to email the truth in love or text the truth in love.
Been in quite a reading mood recently. Started a book on the outbound flight to Willow, finished on the return flight. "Axioim" by Bill Hybels.
One review said it well: Winning leaders have winning points of view—succinct, practical, portable leadership proverbs that help them arbitrate decisions and rouse troops to action. In Axiom: The Language of Leadership, Bill Hybels reveals eighty God-given, from-the-gut truths that continue to raise his game and his vision, thirty-plus years into his local-church leadership experience.
Another review described this book as a truckload of portable wisdom for leadership. I agree! Great Book!
Flew in last night. Good Conference. Great time with Nelson. It was so good to see my Tricia and Davis last night. Never knew I could love like this. The more time goes by, the more I love these two!
After resting last night, I am back at it this morning. We are an hour from Small Groups and two hours from the start of service. Looking forward to our gathering today! The message is about speaking the truth in love. Gonna look at Matthew 16 and work through Making Connections Session 4.
Main thrust this morning:
For the things we should say, but don't want to...Lord, give us more truth!
For those things we may want to say, but shouldn't...Lord, give us more love!
Enjoyed the few days out of the blogosphere and looking forward to getting back at it. Happy Sunday to you!!
This is truly the day that never ends. I was up at 3:30am after a grand total of 4 hours of sleep. Headed to the airport, flew to chilly Chicago, got a car, drove a half hour to Willow Creek, and attended sessions from 12:30pm-8:30pm with the exception of a few short breaks. Nelson and I are now back at the hotel and I am about ready to crash!
It was truly a great day. Here are few reasons:
Out of nowhere this afternoon, I got the final revelation that I needed for Sunday's message. Now, I am feeling it!
Had a great time with Pastor Nelson. We cut up and have a blast about as much as we dream and plan for our future at CCF.
We got a phenomenal idea for a sermon series that we are going to team teach in 2009. Fired up about it. Very relevant and very creative.
Great speakers and fresh learning today.
Finally, not sure how I fit it in, but I started reading a book called "Axiom" by Bill Hybels on the plane this morning. I am now 75 pages in and really eating up some of his leadership proverbs.
Will throw some tweets up tomorrow through the conference. TTYL.
Pastor Nelson and I fly out before the sun comes up tomorrow morning. We are headed to Willow Creek Community Church near Chicago for a Small Group Conference called Group Life 2008. Pray for us as we go. Looking forward to learning more about Small Group Ministry and picking up some fresh tools and ideas for 2009!
Great meeting today at the conference office in Lancaster. The meeting was a realization of a dream that I had for Lead Pastors of larger churches (250+) to get together and talk about issues common in growing, multiple staff churches. Very good day, but more important was the start to future connections and conversations.
__________________________ Had a thought today as I listened to some of these Pastors talk. Here is the thought. No data to back this up...just an observation I am thinking about. I suggest that there are three types of Pastors (as it relates to church size):
The Small Church Pastor (25-150)
The Medium-Large church Pastor (150+)
The kind of Pastor that can transition from one type to the other.
I think that each have unique giftings and are needed in the body of Christ. I believe (and know personally) that there are pastors in each of these categories. Some church growth authors suggest that every Pastor should be able to grow with their church. I disagree. I think that some Pastors are just simply called to lead smaller flocks...and vice versa.
Either way, we need to keep remembering that our call is to grow people. God grows churches.
I have to tell you this story. This afternoon I had to get fingerprinted. My sister and brother-in-law are preparing to adopt and I needed to be fingerprinted in the process. Well, if you have never been fingerprinted, it's a pain on several levels. Here is the series of events today. Hope you laugh with me:
Planned to go to the Glenarden Police Station to get it done. (closest in mileage to Bowie)
I went.
The woman who does it was not in today.
Called Capitol Heights Police and asked if they could do it.
They said yes.
Headed there.
Found out they only take money orders! Who does not take cash?
Stopped at a store. Western Union Broken.
Got lost.
Forgot to stop for money order...realized it once I arrived at station.
Left to go get money order.
Saw a western union sign in a liquor store window.
Stopped and went in.
2 noticeably drunk or high people were in line before me.
The entire "convenience store part" and the liquor are behind a floor to ceiling wall of bullet proof glass.
Comforted, I get to cashier.
They do not accept credit or debit.
I use their ATM, get out $20, pay a $2.00 fee and buy a $15.00 money order.
The ATM puts out blue monopoly-looking money.
The cashier exchanges for cash.
Return to police station.
Go in and wait 10 minutes before I get noticed.
Lady asks me if I am getting 1 or 2 cards done.
I said 2.
She said, "then you need 2 $15.o0 money orders."
I scream inside.
I go back to my car, return to the liquor store.
This time there is a fight going on between 2 customers.
I use the ATM again, pay a surcharge again, get blue money again and buy a second money order.
Head back to the station.
Get fingerprinted.
Now for the best part...
The lady doing it is in her 60's.
They have to hold your hand to do it.
She notices my wedding ring and likes it.
She tells me that she has been married 47 years. And then says, "Isn't that terrible?"
I say..."Terrible, no it's beautiful."
She proceeds to tell me how miserable life is and how she should have got out of it, but instead stayed with the same person all these years and now she is stuck.
That led to my telling her how incredible it is that she kept her commitment and how Christ has kept his commitments to us, etc.
One thing led to another and we had a powerful conversation about the Lord and her purpose on earth!
I prayed with her and she said that she wanted to "turn back to God" after many, many years away from him.
Now, I know why I went through the fingerprinting fiasco. What the Lord will do for one of his kids to come home. I love divine appointments. Never thought when I woke up this morning that I would have one at the Capitol Heights Police Station.
Did I tell you I got a John Deere riding mower?!?! It's sweet! Had it all serviced and got it back today. I wanna mow the yard every day, but the grass does not grow back overnight.
Picked it up a yard sale and it came with a snow blower and trailer....for 400 bucks! That's a steal if you have no point of reference.
I don't use the word "suck" too often, and I write it even less, but I think it works here. I read a blog post today that I thought had some good observations about insecurity. Here are a few excerpts from what Anna Meadows wrote on Swerve:
Insecurity sucks. Plain and simple. It really sucks when it comes to insecurity in leadership. It is nearly impossible to be a successful leader if you’re insecure.
Here are a couple reasons why:
People don’t feel comfortable following an insecure leader.
Insecure leaders take everything personally.
Insecure leaders won’t take risks.
Insecure leaders spend too much time worrying what people think.
So what’s the answer? There are two, actually:
Remember what God’s Word says about you. If insecurity is the bondage that holds you back, God’s words are the truths that will set you free. Believe them!
People don’t think about you, the way you think they think about you. (read that again, slowly) It’s true... because they are too worried about what YOU think of THEM!
What insecurities are holding you back right now?
I think that everyone struggles with insecurity somewhere? Do you agree?
A personwho has a defined realm of authority faces a situation which needs a decision and selects the decision making style…
Seeking Consensus:
Leader extends his or her realm of authority for decision making to include specific others, committing to a corporate rather than an individual decision.
This group prays and interacts, listening and sharing with each other until they mutually affirm what best describes the convictions of the group, and which all can own and commit to.
Having reached this shared decision, the group defines who is responsible for steps of implementation, instructing and informing others.
Reasons for using this style:
Commitment of others is essential to carry out the decision.
Wisdom, creativity from an interactive process is desired.
Time will not dictate a premature decision.
It is best to have a plurality with built-in accountability.
One to five times a week, we send out emails to CCF prayer partners...folks in the church (or associated with it in some way) who wish to be praying for needs in our church family. They are sent at random times and keep you informed and able to be "on the scene" with prayers for people who need them at critical moments between Sundays.
We want as many people as possible to be on this praymail list!
I "tweeted" last week about something that I read over breakfast that rocked my world. It was some profound research/work on decision making styles. It is written and improved over a span of 20 years by Mervin Charles, who is a respected leader from EMM and the Mennonite Church. He is a former missionary and current Pastor in PA. I am sharing this material with his blessing. I hope that one day, CCF could have him come and do some teaching on this material. I think that it is truly great stuff.
Basic Summary/Premise: A wise leader will prayerfully use the following four decision-making styles, will know when to use each one, and will be authentic and transparent when using them.All four are Biblical and appropriate styles of decision making.
Telling
Seeking Counsel
Seeking Consensus
Delegation
In a series of blog posts to follow, I will share a summary of each of the styles. I hope you enjoy thinking through how they apply to your job, your ministry, your marriage, your family and any other area of your life that involves leadership and decision making.
There are several things that I want blog, but no time to do it. In meetings all day and out of the office the rest of the week. I will try to throw a few quick things up later. Stay Tuned.
I hope you start your week 0ff strong!
Look for the Lord at work around you today. I am sure, you will find Him!
We just pulled in from a little 2 day trip to Virginia. Man, we covered some great stuff in a short amount of time. Williamsburg, Jamestown, Yorktown, and lots of other sites. Even stopped by and saw the Great Wolf Lodge. We will take Davis when he is old enough to appreciate it. We had a great time with my parents. Gotta take all the chances we can to spend time with them. We are so blessed to have godly parents that love us like they do. Here are some pictures from our weekend that I thought I'd share.
Tired, headed to bed, hope to see you in the morning. I know that Pastor Nelson is going to be dealing with the realities of this tough economy and how to respond as Christians. Trusting the Lord to meat real needs tomorrow!
--Noah
Noah Kaye
Lover & follower of Jesus, devoted to my wife Tricia & my kids, Davis, Lily & Graceson, serving & living in Africa as a man on mission for the Kingdom of God.
(This is Davis trying on glasses because Daddy was.)
