Truth or Lie?

If you respond to or react to poor behavior from another person, you are missing the point.  Behind every behavior is an emotion.

If you just focus on even the raw emotions of another person, you are missing the point. Beneath every emotion is a root hurt.

Even If you just focus on the root hurt in another person, you are still missing the point. Deeper than even the root hurt is a LIE.

I lie that has been believed and lived into. A lie that has taken hold...a strong hold (stronghold).

I am sorry to tell you, but you and I both still believe many, many lies. Our believing them is Satan's master plan. He is the Father of them.

But, God wants to give us truth--truth that will set us free (John 8:36).

In 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5, we see that the battle is fought against the lies in our minds where we must 1) demolish strongholds, 2) demolish arguments against the knowledge of God, and 3) take every THOUGHT captive.

What strongholds, arguments and thoughts are you still fighting in your mind that is feeding your hurt, your emotions and ultimately, your behavior?

Perhaps you should make a list of some lies you believe and in a column next to it, make a list of the counteractive truths.

Speaking Schedule for Upcoming U.S. Trip

In a tad over a month now, Davis and I will be flying back to America for the first time in about a year and a half. Read more about the trip by CLICKING HERE. I wanted to publicize some dates, times and places that I will be sharing or teaching. You are invited to come to ANY of these events. For real. Come. I would love to see you.

____________

Saturday, May 19, 9am-3pm :: Baltimore MD :: Teaching a Simple Church Training Event for Pastors/Church Leaders

Sunday, May 20, 10am :: Lanham, MD :: Sharing at Capital Christian Fellowship (Our home church)

Wednesday, May 23, 6pm :: Lanham, MD :: Sharing at Grace Bible Church

Friday, May 25, 6pm :: Lanham, MD :: South African Bring and Braai and Q & A about our work (Missionary Support Team Event)

Saturday, May 26, 10am :: Lanham, MD :: Lanham Christian School Commencement Address

Sunday, May 27 :: Baltimore, MD :: Sharing at Ethiopian Evangelical Church

Saturday, June 2, 9am-3pm ::  Columbia, PA (Lancaster) :: Teaching a Simple Church Training Event for Pastors/Church Leaders

Sunday, June 3, 10am-12pm :: Valencia, PA (Pittsburgh) :: Sharing at Crossway Community Church

Sunday, June 3, 2pm-6pm :: Valencia, PA (Pittsburgh) :: Teaching a Simple Church Training Event for Pastors/Church Leaders

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(There are a number of other things in the works that I will share once I know details. Also, if you want to arrange a time together for speaking or resourcing, let me know. The objective of this trip is to find new partners. Any assistance to this end is deeply appreciated.)

What I don't like about Simple Church

While we were cooking dinner together tonight, Tricia and I started singing songs we grew up with in the church. Having both grown up at the same time and in AG churches, we sang many of the same songs. As we sang loudly in the kitchen, Davis just stared wondering how we learned all these songs without him! (Sometimes, I think he's convinced we had no life before him.) Then, I looked at Davis and said, "you're Mommy and Daddy grew up in a different type of church than you are growing up in and we learned lots of songs." I felt a tinge of sadness when I said it. Because I have many positive memories about church as a kid. Lots of programs and events gave me lots of feelings of involvement in something.

This caused me to reflect back on the things I appreciated about growing up in a church like that. I know that I post a lot about a new way of doing church...a way that I am deeply committed to exploring and living for many years to come. And most of what I say is positive.

But let me tell you a few things that I don't like about Simple Church:

• No music. I miss all the songs we used to sing. We don't worship God with singing much in Simple church...and when we do it can feel awkward.
• Leadership Confusion. I don't always enjoy the leadership dance of who is in charge, who is the actual leader, who is the perceived leader, etc. Oops, there is no leader. Jesus leads. Well, it doesn't always work out so perfectly...for real. Sometimes it feels clumsy, even like a game.
• Nothing's Big. Sometimes I really long for the energy & feeling of a room full of hundreds of people praising Jesus together. (We are trying to do corporate celebrations here and there, but they are not nearly as polished as a group of people that do this every week-- not that polish is the goal of church.)
• Immeasurable. The results of our life together as a church are not quite as measurable as are the results in traditional church (though, again, this is not a bad thing....perhaps it's the way it should be). You cannot gather numbers and bottom lines together to track "growth". Everything is more organic not quantifiable. Sometimes I miss assessment.

There is more, but this is start.

Note: I have neither thrown out the beautiful things I have learned in the past, nor have I embraced them as the way of the future. I also don't want you think that I am drinking simple church Kool Aid or something. I believe there are strengths for us to learn from in every type of church!  And more and more I thinking that Jesus wants to use all types, styles, shapes and sizes.

My New Website

Welcome to the brand new online home of Noah Kaye Ministries International. Send me a big check and I will send you a towel with oil on it that will heal you. Ok, now that you have had your JOKE for the day...here's the deal.

Twitter bought Posterous (where my blog used to be). The fate and quality of Posterous will now be uncertain according to trusted sources. So, I left Posterous. I joined Wordpress and made my blog look more like a website.

Enjoy. Come back often. Share with your friends.

The action is still at www.noahkaye.com!

Guilt ≠ Change

Confession: After almost 10 years of marriage, I still fail at it plenty! 

Now that this is out of the way, let me share openly (with Tricia's blessing) something I've learned from the Lord through our marriage witin the last few months.

Guilt does not bring change! Condemnation will not breed transformation. Beating yourself up will not lift you out. Guilt may help you make a change for a day or a week, but it will be a cover up, not a real repair. Feelings of condemnation and failure can be inspiring-- for all the worng reasons-- and none of the changes you make will really last-- not if guilt was their motivation. 

Let me prove my point with some transparency about my own life. I cannot count how many times Tricia (my wife) has let me know that I was not making her feel like my priority. She has found many ways to say it through the years, but it always comes back to the same things-- I want to feel like the most important relationship in your life, Noah! I want you to SHOW me that what you SAY about me is true." If I have heard it once, I have heard it 300 times. 

My reaction almost every time: I feel like a loser and a terrible husband. I feel guilty...becuase I am.  She is right. And out of my feelings of regret and sorrow, I launch a campaign to DO better. 

It never lasted. Becuase guilt ≠ change. 

A few months ago, while laying in bed it was : "Noah, I want to feel like number one to you after Jesus AND I really want you to lead me more spiritualy. You seem to be able to lead everyone else spiritually.  What about me?"  Now, stop here!  This was the exact place where, for the last 10 years, guilt would enter the scene.  Not this time. There was some pain.  It would be hard for anyone to hear this from their spouse. But something wild happened....

I felt LOVE! I felt Jesus loving on me. I felt him accepting me.  I sensed him hugging me. I heard him speaking to my heart and saying..."I love you, Noah, and the best motivation for change is love for me. When you love your wife, you love me." It was a powerful moment!  And it was one my first real tastes of love-motivated change. 

Since that night, things are different.  God's love for me is inspiring me to love Tricia more. The love and acceptance of Jesus is the engine that is propelling me ahead these days.  Not guilt! And it has felt WAY different and WAY more lasting than anytime before.

Guilt ≠ Change! 

Prayers of Faith

In the last four days, I have seen four major answers to prayer.  This is not normal for me (wish I could say it was). This has been supernatural. And it has me thinking. 

I am afraid that I have prayed many, many prayers of doubt in my life. A prayer of doubt is when I pray for something with my mouth while believing and questioning the feasability of what I am saying in my head and heart. When I ask God for something in a way that makes plenty of room for it not to happen, if he would so prefer. Those are prayers of doubt. When there is doubt on the inside, don't look for results on the outside. 

But, I want to pray prayers of faith! I want to believe what I am saying and believe what I am praying. I want to call upon the Lord with no excuses and no questions. Just faith. Faith that he will do what he has promised. Faith that He is always the greatest advocate for redemption, restoration, mircales and healing! 

Join me!  Pray in FAITH!

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

Our Cheesy House Church

Thruthfully, even though we moved across the world in part to explore simple/organic/house church stuff, I always had a bit of a skeptics eye. I mean, I spent 30 years in real church.  Ya know, the legitimate kind with all the bells a whistles a church should have. So, the idea of 5 or 10 people sitting in a living room being a church was a tad awkward to me.  A tad weird.  A little cheesy.

Well, off we went and here we are.  We are starting Discovery Bible Studies, planting simple churches and our family is a part of a house church with other staff and families at All Nations. 

Let me tell you a little about our cheesy house church:

• There are about 7 adults, 7 kids. 
• We meet weekly.
• We change the time and location just about every week.  It is mobile and flexible. 
• We talk and text almost daily.
• We swim, play, eat, travel, shop and hike together.
• We are in intentional discipling relationships with each other. 
• We give each other rides and share our cars.
• We confess and cry together. 
• We wacth each other's kids. 
• We pray for each other.
• We are talking about doing a vacation together. 
• We prohecy over each other.
• We speak God's heart for each other over one another. 
• We will spend two hours loving on one person if that is the Lord's agenda for the night.
• No one is in charge.  No one is the leader.
• But somehow every time, Jesus uses someone different to lead us.
• Our kids are incolved in some special way every time we meet. 2 weeks back we acted out a story in the Bible. Last week we made prayer houses over each kid one by one and prayed and prophecied over them. They only last about 15 minutes. Then we release them to go "fellowship" kids style.
• We talk, dream and live mission.
• We warn and caution each other.
• We worship together. 
• We share the Lord's supper.  The kids too.
• We anoint each other with oil.  The kids too. 
• It is different every week.
• Jesus is clearly and boldly the head.
• We eat.
• We eat.
• And we eat. 

So, that is some of what our cheesy house church is all about. Our cheesy house church is one of the most meaninful community experiences I have ever had in my life. I am officially a fan of cheesy house churches. 

Coming to America!

Last week we sent this news to our partners and supporters. I thought we would go ahead and tell the rest of the world too. Exciting things! Here are some excerpts of the letter we sent out:

After hearing from the Lord on it as a family, seeking counsel from our leaders and our Missionary Support Team, we have decided that Noah and Davis will make a trip to America together in May!

Purpose of the trip: FUNDRAISING, meeting with Pastors and churches, speaking and sharing what we are learning, and strengthening the realtionship with our partners in ministry. And of course, it will be precious to see family and friends. Oh, and did I mention Fundraising (priority time and energy will go to current and potential donors)?

Dates of Trip: May 15 through June 4.

Why Davis? 1) Daddy does not prefer to travel alone, 2) Mommy does not prefer to keep two kids by herself when one of them is an infant, 3) There are a few people in America that would like some quality time with a certain 5 year old, and 4) after much prayer and waiting, Jesus paid for Davis's plane ticket through some special gifts!

Already looking forward to being with our home congregation, Capital Christian Fellowsip on Sunday, May 20th! It will be neat to be back home after 17 months on the feild!

While Tricia and Lily would love to come, we believe that it is right that they do not. Lord willing, we will be in the USA as a family in November and December as was originally planned.

With anticipation, 

Noah, Tricia, Davis and Lily

The 3 things that hold you back

I feel like I meet a lot of people that are held back, hesitant, reserved, lacking confidence. Over and over again, I see incredible gifting and anointing in people that seem to not be operating to their potential.

In my short years of ministry and through prayer, the Lord has revealed to me what I believe are the three main areas that hold people back from being bold and confident with their voices and gifts. 

1. Pain. You have been wounded somewhere along the line and you are afraid of it happening again. The wounds are not healed, so you are held back.
2. Insecurity. For many varying reasons, you are just not secure in who you are and what you have to offer. Could be lack of affrimation, lack of theology of who God has made you to be or fear of man and desire to please them and feel important. Whatever the reasons, you are insucure and it compresses your gifts and your voice. (You may want to read this blog I wrote about Jesus and insecurity.) 
3. Secrets. Enough said. Secrets in our lives make us feel totally unworthy to assert ourselves into any leadership or to speak up and offer our gifts and voice.  Secrets place major drag on your life.  (I reccomed highly that you read this post I wrote recently about secrets.)

Are you held back? Take a look at these three areas in your own life.  Take them before the Father in prayer.

I long to see your gifts released.  Please stop hoding back on us and robbing us all of what you have. We need it. We need you! Come on.

Sharing God's Heart

Tricia and I have now spent a year in simple, organic church community.  We are in a house church and have started other simple churches. We are learning so many things we never knew before, as we both spent our lives in larger, organized churches, where learning these types of things are less common.

Here is one really awesome thing we are learning:

We all carry portions of God's heart for each other. There are oftentimes things that you are carrying in your heart for others that God wants you to deliver to them.  And this is church!  This is encourgament.  This is mutual edification.  This is the building up of the body of Christ.

What does this look like?

Simple. Create permission and space for people to walk around the room or share across the circle what God may be saying.  It could be:

• A word
• A vision
• A picture
• A verse
• An affirmation
• An encouragment
• A hug
• Etc.

Just last night we were at an All Nations worship gathering that lasted about 2 hours.  Throughout the evening I had words of enouragement for 5 different people- several of which were rather prophpetic and confirming some major stuff in people. And all evening I watched the body of Christ roam the room spaking portions of God's heart over each other!!  It was so beautiful. There was joy.  There were tears. It is what the Body of Christ SHOULD be doing.  

But, are we? Are you? Is your church?

If not, can I encourage you to start speaking up.  I would say that at least once a week you should be downloading some of God's heart into someone else.  If we don't do it, who will? 

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up!" I Thess. 5:11

I love my wife more than my kids

Lily, our daughter, and second child was born one week ago today. There are a lot of things I am feeling and learning already.  But, allow me to share the one strongest feelings I have had since Lily arrived.

Last Saturday, just after the birth (less than 15 minutes), I told Tricia and her Doctor that this experience has only increased my love for my wife. Listen, I LOVE my kids...with a type of love I have never felt. But, when you have spent 13 years of love and almost 10 years of marriage with a woman you've been through thick and thin with, and she is now giving you your second child, you REALLY LOVE A WOMAN!  My first response to Lily's birth was a deeper love for Tricia, my wife for life!!

She has been faithful.  She has been honoring. She is full of inegrity and honesty. She has followed Jesus radically. She is a woman of noble character.  She believes in me more than anyone on the planet. She serves our home. She sacrifices for all 3 of us. After Jesus, she is my everything.

Growing up, when my Mom would upset one of us kids, we would go to Dad, who, though he administered most of the spankings, was typically softer than Mom. While trying to get Dad to side with us, he would ALWAYS say "your Mother was here long before you and she will be here long after you"! That stuck with me and it formed me.  

Look, I love these kids with crazy love.  But not like I love their Mother.  She is top, my gem, my angel. Has been since 1999 and will be until y'all attend my funeral or we attend hers. 

While you will not find a Bible verse to say this is how it must be, you will find many that suggest that this is how it should be. God never asked you to love your kids like Christ loves the church or to become one flesh with them, did he? (Genesis 2:24 & Ephesian 5:31-33)

PS- I know this easier for Dads to say than Moms. I will leave you to  think through that.  

Welcome Lily Raelynn!

This blog post is dedicated to the most beautiful, little, sweet, precious, white African-Ameican baby in the entire Republic of South Africa!

Tricia, Davis and I are thrilled to anounce the arrival of our sweet daughter, Lily Raelynn Kaye.  

Date: Saturday, January 7th, 2012 (EXACTLY 5 years after Davis- get ready for some MAJOR birthday partying January 7th, 2013)

Location: Constantia, Cape Town, South Africa

Time: 2:14pm

Weight: 6lb, 7oz

Length: 18.5in

Lily's name is spiritually significant...it means beauty and purity-- indicative of her future.  We belive that the Lord has great plans for Lily.  She will be a radical, Holy Spirit led, Jesus lover.

Lily's name is also practically significant in that she is our "Lily of the Valley"-- we live in the Fish Hoek Valley of Cape Town.

She is a miracle and an answer to prayer and prophetic words over our family. Read about it HERE when we announced our pregnancy.

Join us in praying for Lily's life-- that it would shine for Jesus.

Let's do this! Welcome to 2012!

Hello my dear blog-reading friends,

I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and tell you that I look forward to the year ahead of learning and sharing together online. 

I deeply value the online presence and ministry that the Lord has entrusted to me and I long to use it to the glory of the Father this year more than ever. It will be a wonderful year together!

"Not to us, oh Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

Noah

20 Lessons from 2011

For the last few weeks I have been slowly tweeting the top 20 life lessons that 2011 taught me.  I must say that this year brought more change inside the depth of my heart than any single year of my life.  Here are the top 20 lessons I learned this year:

1. Obey Jesus!! Wether he tells you to move to Africa or walk across the room.
2. Talk less. It creates space for so many beautiful things!
3. Listen to God. He is speaking. Try listening. Listen to the scripture. Listen to His other kids. Listen to His Spirit.
4. Calm down. An anxious presence disrupts many possibilities.
5. Worship honestly. Don't lie to God w/ your songs. Remember that worship God wants has more to do w/ actions than words!
6. Love purely. This only happens when you truly love people wether you are with them or not...mistakes and all.
7. Stop judging. It is not your job and it wrecks your relationships (plank alert). Love instead- way more fun!
8. Please Jesus. Not people. People will ALWAYS dislike things about u. Quit living to please them & you might please God.
9. Speak prophetically. Listen for God & speak what you're hearing him say. Sounds whack. Takes practice. Start trying.
10. Release control. Relax. Stop over-planning & needing to know everything. U aren't in charge. (Thanks, Africa 4 this one.)
11. Stop lying to you. If you've been lying to yourself about things and it hasn't taken you anywhere, try truth. Might help.
12. Stop gossiping. Or half-gossiping. It will drastically increase your relational confidence & cleanliness. #cleareyes
13. Disciple someone. Pick them, go to them, tell them they're worth it and go all out discipling them toward Jesus obedience.
14. Be discipled. Pick someone you honor, go to them, tell them u r submitting to them to lead you toward Jesus obedience.
15. Numbers distract. Count, but u can't control them, be low when they're low or take credit when they're high. #inchurch
16. Elevate others. Used to think it was more exciting to be up top or out front. Not anymore. Now I long to empower others.
17. Spend less, give more. (In 2011 Tricia & I made less than we've made in 10 years & gave more than we've given in 10 years!)
18. Abide. Dwell in Jesus. Remain in Him. Live connected to Jesus! THIS is the key to all fruit-bearing! John 15
19. Ask questions. Good, provocative, specific & open questions. (This link has some goodies: http://goo.gl/04Zzg)
20. Rapidly obey the next thing you're reasonably sure Jesus wants you to do. Goal is obedient hearts, not perfect hearing!

Reasons to Rejoice

Merry Christmas!

You know, I guess there would be lots of things to complain about today-- about how we feel being 8,000 miles away from our family on Christmas day.  About how so many of our traditions just cannot happen this year.  Or about how I am sweating when I wish it was snowing.

But, instead, I want to tell you some reasons I am rejoicing today.

1. Five Christmases ago, Trica and I sat and wept in our living room because we felt so ready for kids and a family. Today, we had an exciting and sweet (almost) 5 year old with us and a little baby girl kicking her Mommy's belly excited to come out and join us. We are rejoicing. 
2. For the last 30 Christmases, I am not sure I thought much about the poor and the untouchables.  Today, we are living among and near many poor, sick and less fortunate friends who are a special part of our heart, life and family.  Our lives are less about us this Christmas than they have ever been before.  Davis even chose a few Christmas gifts that he just recieved today--that he wants to give away to some boys in Masi-- and he already knows who they are going to.  We will deliver them later.  We rejoice in this.
3. Last week, we had the privilege of providing leadership for a massive Chritsmas party in Masiphumelele that impacted hundreds of poor children. They received lavish love like they likely have not all year. It was so neat to bless these kids and to see the Lord open the door for a local hotel chain to fund the whole thing. We rejoice about this. (See pic)
4. Last night, I had the honor of providing leadership for a Christmas Eve gathering at the All Nations campus here in Cape Town. We sang. We worshipped. We told Jesus why we are so glad he came. We shared. We listened. We ate. It was sweet.  Sweet to experience Emmanuel, God with us.  And sweet to feel the love in the air. We rejoice that we get to be a part of such a brilliant community of faith. (see pic of candlelighting)
5. Though we are far from family, Jesus has done what he promised us.  Not only do we have the technology to make things way easier (see pic of us skyping the family yesterday), but he has blessed us ten times, even a hundred times for our faithfulness. We were with many friends yesterday.  Many more today. I promise you, we have no shortage of loving relationships in our lives. In addition, Tricia and I just agreed that we have both seen more growth in our lives this year than ever before! God is moving and we are rejoicing. 

We hope that you take a moment and name some of the many reasons you have to rejoice- regardless of your situation. 

Merry Christmas from our hearts to yours.  We love you.

See the full gallery on Posterous

THAT Area

This morning, in one of my churches, we looked at Luke 18:18-27...it's the story of the rich man.  The Lord really spoke to my heart about something today through this story.

Here's what happens:

• A rich man asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life.  While asking him, the guy calls Jesus "Good Teacher".
• Jesus says something like this: No one is good excpet God. The commandments are-- no adultery, no murder, no stealing, no lying and honor your parents.
• The rich dude then says: "Hey, I have always done these things."
• Jesus responded by saying: "You are still missing one thing. Go and sell all you have and give it to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then, come follow me."
• The man gets really sad.  It hurts. He had a lot of money.
• Then Jesus makes this statement: "It is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle, than for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God."

Here's what really emerged for me:

• God does not want half my heart.  He is not impressed with 75% either.  He wants all of me.
• Not only does he want all of me, but he wants THAT area.  You know, that one that I do not want to give up.  That one that I think I deserve to keep since I do not lie, murder, commit adultery, steal or dishonor my parents.
• That thinking is about you being good.  Jesus made it clear that none of us are "good."  Did you catch that part? 
• Jesus looked into this rich man's heart....he knew his story...and he asked for obedience in the area that was most precious to him...and most difficult to yeild. That area.
• He loves our total and radical obedience. This story proves it.  Sell it all and give it to the poor.  Total. Radical.
• I do not think that the point of this story is really about rich people. You can have plenty of money and a surrendered heart. And you can be dirt poor with an unsurrendered heart.
• Heart.  It is about our hearts.  Jesus wants them, and he is not interested in sharing them with anything or anyone else.  

What is/are the area(s) of your life that Jesus would have picked if it were you in this story instead of the rich man?  Today, I have admitted two areas in my own life. What are yours?  In what areas are your heart not fully submitted and surrendered? 

Online Addiction Confession

Perry Noble (a Pastor in South Carolina whose perspectives I often disagree with) has a way of hitting a hum-dinger every now and then.  Today he posted about online addiction and I think it is a BRILLIANT post!  

I struggle!! Me. Noah. I fight! I have been for years. I still am. I have gotten better. But I am not there yet. I will continue to utilize social media as I continue to ask God to purify my motivations and teach me balance and proper priorities. I really believe that the Lord will keep teaching me and walking with me to wholeness and healing.

Read Perry's post...here is the text below and here is the link to the actual post.

___________________________________

CONFESSION: This article is more of a confession that it is a correction! It’s not about what I see others doing/not doing but rather something I have realized for myself and am currently wrestling through, hope this helps some people! It was one of the most divine slaps in the face I had ever received; in fact, I’m still recovering from it, let me explain…

A little over a month ago I was with a group of about ten people or so in a restaurant where we had gathered to celebrate and reflect on the end of a pretty intense season of ministry we had just completed. We had seen God do some amazing things and had more than enough reasons to be excited about the evening. We got our menus, spoke with each other about the options in front of us and then chatted about what we preferred and then placed our order with the waiter.

After the waiter was gone I pulled out my cell phone. Please understand, no one had texted me. No one had called me. I did not have any voice messages from earlier in the day. Why did I pull out my cell phone then? Simple…I needed to check Twitter. As I did this something told me to stop and listen…and when I did I heard no conversations taking place at the table. No laughing. No celebration. No recalling what the Lord had done. Then I looked up and discovered why…

EVERY SINGLE PERSON AT THE TABLE WAS LOOKING DOWN AT THEIR CELL PHONE!

Doing what, I have no idea…probably twitter, facebook or whatever…but what stood out to me in a very convicting way was that ALL of us were neglecting being connected with the people who were right in front of us and were engaging in something else that, for some reason we all considered to be more important.

I was convicted! BIG TIME! Here I was with a group of friends that I should be enjoying life with and instead I was obsessed with an online perception that I somehow felt was more important than the relationships that were right in front of me. Thought began to flood my mind of other times I had done the same…

• The times I had been on the couch with Lucretia, and instead of engaging her in conversation I am seeing how many people retweeted me.
• The times that Charisse had been trying to get my attention and instead I was trying to see how many “likes” that NewSpring’s facebook page had.
• The times that I had been in a room FULL of people and opportunities to engage in conversations that mattered, but instead I was more obsessed with clearing another level of Angry Birds.

Like I said, it was a divine slap in the face and I realized that I was neglecting real community, real people who were right in front of me and instead engaging in relationships online that were superficial at best and achieving “high scores” on games that had absolutely zero significant value.

Honestly, if I found out today that I had 30 days to live my obsessions would not become how many twitter followers I could gain, now many times I could dominate “words with friends” or even having to check who had written on my facebook wall in the past 15 minutes. It would be people, REAL people and REAL relationships that would be important to me.

Please do not misunderstand this! I am NOT the anti-social media guy! I love keeping up with people via the world wide web. I love playing a game or two on occasion. I love the fact that I know a lot about my friends all over the world because they update their lives via social media.

However, I finally came to realize that I had personally allowed social media to become an obsession that was distracting me from what was really important rather than a tool that I could make use of. I had allowed it to steal time away from my family and my friends…and call it what you will, but I had to call it sin.

What am I doing about it?

FIGHTING through it! I believe social media CAN be as addicting as alcohol, drugs or gambling. It meets a perceived need of inclusion, acceptance and friendship (you DO understand that most of your facebook friends are not actually your friends don’t you?)

• I’m having to FIGHT to make the decision that at dinner time the cell phone does not come with me to the dinner table. That is my time with my family…and any “emergency” will just have to wait!
• I’m having to FIGHT through the “need” to check up on twitter when I am in a group of people with whom the Lord has put me in a live, active relationship with.
• I’m having to FIGHT to not play games on my phone or Ipad when I’m in a room full of people with whom I need to be paying attention to.
• I’m having to FIGHT to not be engaged with an online audience at night when opportunities to engage with my wife and daughter are way more important and way more fruitful in the long run.
• I’m having to FIGHT to not take my phone with me into important meetings and carry on texting conversations that cause me to disconnect from what I should be paying attention to!

It’s a fight…and just something I’m learning and wrestling with. I will still be blogging, still be tweeting…but for me it’s going to have to be put in it’s proper place. Because…

I’ve also seen that an addiction to social media can take our eyes off of Jesus and put them on people, thus causing us to cave into the fear of man and completely forget that we are called to fear God.

And…many times we can’t even obey what the Lord says in Psalm 46:10 because we are so dang connected!!! We can’t respond to the voice of God because we’ve been trained like Pavlov’s dog that when we hear “the tuning fork” (aka. notification from our phone that we have a text/email) that we feel the need to immediately respond, thus ignoring what is right in front of us.

One more time let me say it again–I’m NOT against social media, smart phones, games and such…but they should be used wisely and be a tool in our hands rather than the obsession of our day that we just can’t seem to do without.

How to Ruin a Relationship

Today I tweeted this: "Had a revelation today about how I've screwed up past relationships and how changing one thing has changed everything. Blog later."

I would like to tell you exactly how to ruin a relationship:

1. Look for the bad in a person. (You will have absolutely no problem finding it.)
2.  Judge them in your heart for their poor character. 
3. Tell yourslef how much better you are--so that you feel really good about yourself.
4. Look for opportunities to tell others about the poor qualities you've found in that person and slip it in like it is no big deal (or even as prayer requests or fake-care comments).
5. If they agree with your negative sentiments, talk about the other person together-- and be sure to justify what you are doing by saying that you just needed a safe place to vent. 
6. Make sure you tell your Spouse as well and make an excuse because it is ok to tell your spouse everything in your heart. 
7. Keep repeating steps 4 & 5.
8. Find other people that you do not like and repeat steps 1-7 again. 

Here is the impact of living like this.  Please read this carefully:

• You are sinning and the sin produces guilt in your heart.
• You are being disloyal and harmful to the person and deteriorating their character. 
• When you see them, you will not be able to look at them in their eyes.  You will shady and shifty.
• Someting will be "off" in your relationship. 
• You will be carrying secrets.
• Trust is lost whether the offense is ever uncovered or not.
• The person you have bashed gets the vibes you are slinging with your shifty eyes whether they know anything or not.
• Whether the person you gossiped to is totally trustworthy or not, the person you gossiped about WILL find out one day. Count on it.
• You become insecure everytime you are with the one your gossiped about.
• You can forget about any real in depth, life giving stuff happening in the relationship.
• You have ensured that the relatioship will not last.  It is the beginning of the end. 

Sound like I know what I am talking about a tad? Yeah, because I have been there.  Done this.  Got the T-shirt. Ashamed and repentant, Tricia and I comnmited in our hearts when we landed here in Africa 10 months ago, that we would look for the good in people and talk about that and leave the bad to the Lord to work on. And we are currently forming the most honest, authentic and life changing relatioships we have ever had. 

Do you struggle with this? You can change. Start today. Call 1-800-shutyourmouth. Or email lookforthegoodinpeople@gmail.com.

Seriously, God can heal this in you.  Now.  Starting now. And as he does you will be amazed at the confidence you will walk in as you relate to people with guilt-free eyes and heart.

I want my Mommy! Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving morning in Africa.  Well, kinda. It is technically Thanksgiving in America. In Africa, it is just a normal day.  Our neighbors are leaving for the job site. All systems are go.

Today is our first meaningful holiday we have been away from family.  We have now lived here in Cape Town for 10.5 months. 

Yesterday, Mom sent me an SMS asking me what time we would be getting together to make my pumpkin pie- a tradition we have had for many years. It hit me when I read that. We will not be making our pie this year. I cried. In the grocery store.  Like a fool. I miss my MOMMY!!  

I will miss the vibes of this day.  The vibes on Thanksgiving day in America are just special! Crisp air, naked trees, Christmas already in the air, slamming food, Macy's parade, cider, smells, feelings...we miss it.  And I will miss seeing my beautiful sisters come strolling through the doors with their hair and make up all did up and their dishes of food all prepared. And my Brother-- he would be cooking up something domestic and unusual.  He will put a woman on defense. ;-)

As much as we will miss, we are also thankful and joyful today.  Thankful that Selah came to visit us.  So awesome!  It has made a massive difference. And we are excited to just go on a day trip to Hermanus and Franschoek.  Google them and be jealous. ;-)

And finally, I am thankful that we obediently followed Jesus to this place.  We are precisely where he wants us to be.  And there is not an earthly possession, no holiday, no friend or family member worth cashing that in for.  Will desire for obedience to God to be the main longing of our life....even if it costs and huts some days.  God makes up for it in other beautiful ways! 

So, today we are THANKFUL!  And we say to you, Happy Thanksgiving! 

Stop Posing. Secrets are Draining.

Living authentically is something I would guess most of us long for.  But the truth is that many people don't! The fact of the matter is that many people live with secrets. There is often a valley between who we portray ourselves to be and who we really are when no one else is looking. Sadly, sometimes it is more of a canyon than a valley. 

Speaking from experience, secrets are draining!  They zap the life out of you. They take the wind out of your sails. Maintaining a false image of the real you takes a lot of energy and focus...becuase you don't want to slip up and give a sneak peak of the real version of YOU. 

Look, I want to share something with you and I hope you hear the heart in it....

The more authentically you live, the more energy and life you will have inside your heart. I have found that the more I live out of the real core of who I am and not the fake me I want everyone to see, the following things happen: 

1. Relationships stop consuming as much energy and start producing it.
2. My conscience feels clean, so my eyes can look clearly ahead. 
3. My sense of security goes up as I realize how much Jesus loves me...the real me...my crap and all. 

Can I encourage you to look honestly at yourself.  Do you have multiple versions of yourself to keep up with?  The "you" you want others to see and the "real you"? Or are you living whole...with integrity? I really believe that the more you close the gap between the public and private YOU and the more you renounce secret and shameful ways, the more God will blow the roof off of your life and use you for the Kingdom. 

Keep real! Don't pose.